Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
