What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
