Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
