So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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