my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
