Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
