The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
