dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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