Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
