Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
