ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So drunk its hurt
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
