Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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