wrigley field is MILF paradise
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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