I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
