I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
