when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
