he thought i was a dude.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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