More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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