he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
