Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
