So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
