She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
