dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
