She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
