fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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