i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
