my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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