I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
