then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
