You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
