Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
