nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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