so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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