I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
