Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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