You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
