he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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