If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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