areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
