his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
