just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
