ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
