I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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