Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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