If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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