I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
