bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sober January is a disaster.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
