I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
