I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
