so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
